Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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