I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
