Only a mothe r could love this liver
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
