Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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