For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Say something about gay babies.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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