Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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