This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Randomize