i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
