saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
