you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
