i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
