Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
