There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
