I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
