Got a toothbrush?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
