I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
