and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
