My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
