it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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