My balls are so social today.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
