Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
