just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
