If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
he had hair everywhere except his balls
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm both gender and math confused
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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