My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
