Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
