go do what you do best...puke behind churches
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
