She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
how drunk are you?
Several
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
