he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
