you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
