i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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