I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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