he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
