hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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