I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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