Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
