And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
