I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
