Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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