sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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