he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
