Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
