I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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