he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
