This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
