i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
