Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
