and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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