Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
