Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Church boner. Awkwardddd
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
