the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
