Dude my mom stole all your condoms
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
