Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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