you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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