So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
