There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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