apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
