i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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