At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize