How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
