It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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