i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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