Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
