She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
