so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
