I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
