it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
