So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
