sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
