Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
pop tarts are not kleenex
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Randomize
