I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
