I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
