I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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