I never want to see another naked old woman again.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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