first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize