can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
this will be a night to untag.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
