you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
