Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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