Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
