why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
