Where is the hickey?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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