Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
