Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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