Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize