please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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