I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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