I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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