I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
