I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Sorry my hands just texted you
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
