i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
there was a trapeze. enough said
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
