mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
