Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
How's work?
Spinning.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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