i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize