well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
