Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
