I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
