420 ftw
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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