Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I need to calm my uterus...
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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